What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
