no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
