I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
