I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
