I'd wear matching sweaters with you
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
