it was like his penis was on wheels.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
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He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
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would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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