im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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