Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
