I'm really into asian looking animals
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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