Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
