just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize