At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
