ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
