my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
