True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
