Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
