College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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