please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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