my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
