I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
