I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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