After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
