Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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