so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
