it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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