We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
my god I love twenty year old dicks
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
