Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
