singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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