You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
