Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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