I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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