I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
