so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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