If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
