my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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