I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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