I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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