There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
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Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
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My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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