Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
