I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
