Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
