Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm really into asian looking animals
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
