Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
