Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
My dad just said "fuck circus"
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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