in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
