Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
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Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
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"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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