He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
