best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
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The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
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Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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