what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
