Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
