I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
