i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
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The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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