How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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