I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You work out of a Hotel?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I fill condoms, not promises.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
