does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Randomize
