Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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