and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
