Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Randomize
