it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
