btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
