remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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