My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
