How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
