I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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