ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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