xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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