I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
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