We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
