also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
