Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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