im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
PANTIES FOUND
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