Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
