also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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