i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
