why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
