happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
