I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
