I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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