I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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